Ella had me in tears the other day as she was playing. Quite often throughout the day we will play together and then there is time where she plays on her own. I have always thought that it was good for her to learn how to play on her own as well as with other people. She has become quite good at entertaining herself, which has been great for me. Recently though she has gone on a nursing strike. There hasn't seemed to be a thing I could do to change her mind. Nursing her has been this great struggle from the time she was born. So after a long struggle with her she is no longer nursing. The next thing I know she no longer wants to cuddle. She just wants to play on her own. I would come over to her and she would even push my face away. This is when the tears rolled in. I was not ready for this. What happened to my cuddly little girl? In the blink of an eye it was as if she grew up and said "I don't need you anymore Mom." Ridiculous, I know. She still needs me to get her dressed, help feed her, change her and carry her; but somewhere along the way she just didn't want me for those other things. I just wasn't ready for this change, for her to grow up and start becoming independent. Now I understand why I have baby fever and cannot wait to have another one. I also understand why some people have more than one or two kids. A mother just has enough love for them all.
Post written March 9 2009 moved from previous blog