Friday, April 29, 2011

Sleepless Nights??

When you have a new baby one of the most common questions is "How does he/she sleep?" I usually follow this with "Oh, just fine. He's a good baby." I think the biggest reason we have been getting a decent amount of sleep is because hes been sleeping cuddled into me all night. I'll be honest, I love co-sleeping. It feels so nice to have a little baby cuddled into you for the night. When he wakes up to nurse just lay there half asleep and half awake as he nurses, change him if needed and then go back to sleep.

While I love to sleep with my little guy, there are some down sides for me as well. Matt really has a hard time sleeping through the baby noises, which has him sleeping in the basement. As much of a blanket hog as my husband can be I really do miss sleeping with him. You grow accustomed to it, having them there and the bond that goes with that.

Another downside is now Dillan just wants to be held anytime he is sleeping. Which would be fine if I had a house that cleaned up after itself! His wanting to be held while sleeping also takes away from doing anything with Ella, and she needs to have time with me that is just her own too. She loves Dillan and has been really good with him but you can tell that she misses her mommy time. Once he falls asleep shes asking me to put him down, then as soon as I do he wakes up and you can tell this frustrates her.

With a bit of work tonight I have managed to get him to sleep in his room. I'm not sure how long it will last tonight, and I might be really tired tomorrow, but it will get better each time. At about the same point in Ella's life we moved her from our room to her room and it worked well so I'm just going to go with what I know. Hopefully Dillan and I will get some naps in where we can be all cuddled together, they are only so small and wanting to cuddle this way for such a short while, I'll have to make the most of it while I can.

Post written December 26 2010 moved from previous blog

Gadget Mamma!

This past Saturday I had a list of things I wanted to accomplish out of the house. Matt happened to be really sick so leaving the house was part of my to do list. I don't need to get sick, the kids don't need to get sick (for the first time or again) and he needed rest. My to do list for the day wasn't exactly a huge list of things to do I just knew that it would take some time with a two and a half year old and a new born on my own.

My list was: Go to the mall and have lunch with my mom

Get the kids Santa photos done

Visit a friend who just had a baby three days after Dillan was born

Pick up a few groceries

Before I left the house I had to think about what I would need. For the mall I would need the stroller. I had just purchased a Baby Trend Sit n Stand stroller that needed to be put together still so before leaving I had Matt assemble it for me, his only required task for the day. Then raised my biggest question, how would I get groceries? Normally I would just put Ella in the seat on the cart and get the groceries, but now what would I do with Dillan? There is no way that Ella could walk and not get into trouble so that I could put the carseat on the cart, she would have to sit in the cart. I could put the carseat in the back of the cart but then where would the groceries go?

I thought about what to do for about five minutes and then the light bulb in my head turned on; I could wear Dillan while getting groceries! So then that lead me to the question, which carrier do I take? What is going to be the quickest? So I decided on my Ergo with the infant insert. I'm still learning my other carriers so it’s best to use what I know, even if this is the first time I have ever used the insert and really the first time I have ever used it facing forward. I watched a quick video before leaving the house on how to use in insert and away we went.

Everything ran just smooth! We were gone from 11 in the morning until 6pm. I brought home some supper. While ordering that supper Dillan decided that it was time to eat so stuck in the drive thru line up with him screaming in the back, we get our food, I pull into the parking lot, crawl into the back of the van and sit and nurse him. When we bought our van my brother in law asked if we were only going to have two kids why would I want a van and  not an SUV, well there was one good reason I hadn't thought of among the other reasons I wanted a van, where would I sit and nurse in an SUV?!

There is definitely a learning curve as a mother of two young children! Thank goodness for all of these gadgets that help us moms out along the way!

Post written December 21 2010 moved from previous blog

The Baby is Here! - Dillan's Birth Story

The Delivery

Well after much anticipation our little love is now in our arms.  Dillan Matthew was born on December 8,  2010 at 10:56 Am. His labour started exactly the same (minus all of the predormal labour) as Ella's. I woke up at 5:30 in the morning, went to the washroom, lost what was left of my plug and then contractions started. There was no mistaking that these contractions were the real deal and that we were going to have a baby today. By 6:30 I called my mom. I wasn't sure when we were going to leave for the hospital, I knew it would be soon; mostly I just wanted someone to be here for Ella so that Matt could help me focus on my contractions. We wound up leaving the house before she woke up and I was in a room ready to be checked by 8am.

The nurses in assessment were right on top of things. They hooked me up to the monitors to check the baby's heart rate and my contractions. Before even doing an internal check the one nurse mentioned that they had to get me to a labour room quickly. The resident Dr arrived in my room to check. I was 5cms dilated. It was so much nicer to hear than "Sorry, you're still at 2cms and things don't look like they are progressing." I told Matt I was sure we would have the baby by lunch time.

They moved me to a labour room and as per routine asked if I wanted an epidural or any pain medications. Matt and I had discussed this before so while I was contracting he was able to answer any questions for me. He told the nurse that I did not want an epidural but that other pain medications might be requested to take a bit of the edge off. They later asked if I wanted pain medications again, and even though in my mind I was thinking "okay maybe now I do" I would look over at Matt and respond that I thought I was okay for now.

In the labour room they kept me on the monitors. Baby's heart rate seemed to have some dips after contractions that they didn't want to see. While before my opinion had been that I did not want to be connected to monitors it wound up not bothering me. I wouldn't have been able to be up and walking around like I had maybe thought before anyway. My contractions were really close, one on top of the other at many points. I recall looking over at Matt after a contraction as another started only 10 seconds later and saying "This really isn't fair!"

Everyone around me was so positive. Telling me how great I was doing and many of them finding it hard to believe I was doing all of this without medications. At 8cms the resident checked me again. They asked if I wanted my waters broken and I said that I was fine with that. For some reason I have ultra strong waters that like to hang on, good for baby while they are meant to still be in there but definitely a barrier for delivering. I knew that this was going to make the contractions more intense, but I also knew that this would help move things along.

Feeling the urge to push and having someone tell you not to push has to be one of the hardest things to listen to in the world. Eventually there comes a point when you have to say to the other person "Too bad I HAVE to push." Still connected to the monitors, I'm not 100% sure what was going on them at the time as far as the baby's heart rate goes but they quickly brought in a group of Drs for the delivery. My own Dr had been called but everything happened so quickly that he arrived about a minute after baby was born. Along side a specialist a resident Dr delivered my baby. She seemed very experienced and I had to put all of my trust into her and the other Drs and nurses that were around. It is a situation in life where you want control but are quite vulnerable at the same time.  You end up trusting these people that you have never met to help bring the life you already love so much into the world.

In the matter of 6 minutes I reached 10 cms, began to push and the baby was delivered. They did use the vacuum to help the baby along quickly, again something to do with the heart rate on the monitors. They informed me that the baby needed to come out right then. In all honesty, I think the vacuum going in, hurt more than the baby coming out. Out came the baby, I requested that they not clamp the cord but they insisted that they had to check him right away. So the cord was clamped and off went baby. The one nurse said, "Oh! I think I see boy parts!" Matt and I both asked about a minute later to confirm that he was a boy. It wasn't even the first thought that crossed either of our minds. All we wanted to know was if the baby was healthy.

There was some worry about his breathing pattern. So while I lay there getting stitched up in two different spots, I waited to hear news of how our little love was doing. Finally they brought him over to me. Such a handsome little baby. We were so relieved when our Dr gave him the okay, as well as the NICU Dr, to hear that he would get to stay with us.

By this point the commotion of the room had died down and I was able to nurse him. He latched on right away just knowing what to do. As I nursed him we began to make all of our phone calls. First on our list was to tell Ella that she had a new baby brother. After nursing, eating, and making our top three phone calls. I went to shower while Matt sat in the chair and held our son. He said that he was wide awake and listened intently as he spoke to him.

By 2pm we were in our room in the maternity ward waiting for Ella to come and meet her brother. She comes into the room and says "Whatcha got mom?" Seeing the meeting of her and her brother was so sweet. Thankfully something we were able to record so that I can live it again. She looked at him and said "I love you baby." I think even not just having a baby that would have made me cry!

Birth as a Healing Experience

After Ella's birth I was so traumatized by what had happened. From the cord snapping, to her spending 4 days in the NICU, to the struggle to nurse her. I knew how I wanted things to go this time, and through my knowing, and someone smiling down on me and saying  "Sounds good to me too"  I was able to have the delivery that I wish we would have had with Ella. Every aspect of this labour seemed smoother. The hospital staff was better, more encouraging, and making sure that as uncomfortable as I was, that I was comfortable. I know that without their encouragement, and mostly without Matt's encouragement, I never would have been able to have the drug free delivery that I wanted. I love that we were able to keep him with us the entire time and that any choices made about him were all our own decisions, not someone else assuming and coming to conclusions without our consent; the ability to bring him home the very next morning, only 24hrs old and start our lives as a family of four together, all of these things have just patched over the bad things from our previous delivery experience. I'm not sure how else to explain the way it all made me feel as it is just an incredible feeling to begin with.

Our Little Bundle of Joy

Dillan was born at 10:56 am after 5.5 hrs of labour. He weighed in at 7lbs and 13oz and a height of 21 1/4 inches long. He has hair, looks like his Daddy and is the most handsome little boy around :)

Welcome to the world Dillan!

Post written December 13 2010 moved from previous blog 

Out of Room!

As uncomfortable as I am, I feel so bad for this little, but growing, baby in my belly! I can't imagine its very comfortable in there anymore! How could it be when your head is lodged in someone's pelvis and you can't stretch your legs without your feet getting stuck in some ribs!

Tomorrow is the baby's due date. I have a Drs appointment in the morning and Matt thinks I should request an induction. I think I should wait. I understand his point of view, he is worried that the baby is only going to get bigger and bigger and that I will have a difficult time pushing the baby out like I did with Ella.  That being said, I think we should wait at least a week past due. A due date isn't an expiry date! While I really would love to have this baby, I want the baby to be ready too!

I really am getting tired of all the questions though! "What still no baby?!" "You haven't had the baby yet?!" And then when I say no I get in response "Oh that sucks!" or "Well, it will come when its ready!"  That last one I really hate when someone who has never had a baby says that lol! (Even though I can say it to myself no issues!) Its all a waiting game :)

Post written December 6 2010 moved from previous blog


When I went into labour with Ella, I KNEW that I was in labour. From the time it started to the time it finished was 13.5 hours and I had my wonderful little girl in the world. This baby has given us a whole other plan.

Almost two weeks ago now (When I was 38 weeks) I started to have contractions at 10:30 on Tuesday Novemeber 23. By 2am my contractions were every three minutes lasting for 30 to 70 seconds each time. Matt called my mom to come over while Ella was asleep. We were tired, I had had maybe two hours of sleep, but excited, we were going to meet our little baby! Or at least we thought that we were. The resident and the nurse come in to see how things are moving along, only to tell me that I am 2cms dialated. By 9am that morning my Dr came in to check and see how things were going to tell us that I was still at 2cms. So off we went home, and the contractions stopped completely. Alright, I'm only at 38 weeks, baby is just still cooking. I was told I could end up there in a couple of hours or it could take a few days, or a week. When it comes to things like this I hate the uncertainty!

A week goes by, mostly I had just been feeling crampy, like when its that time of the month. Monday night into Tuesday morning (Novemeber 30th) contractions pick up again. They feel a lot stronger than the week before and are now 2 minutes apart lasting around 30 to 50 seconds each time. By 5am we once again call my mom to come over and think "This is it!"  Again, I am hooked up to the monitors and the resident Dr and nurse come in to check me. After nearly 13 hours of contractions they tell me that I am still only 2cms! I just about started crying! We decide then that we will go back home and see how the day goes. I had a scheduled Drs appointment for that afternoon, so no point in him coming to the hospital to check me there, I would see him later.

The afternoon gets here and Matt and I leave for the Drs office. He does a check, still 2cms, and then does a membrane stripping. As uncomfortable as that is I was welcoming it. Hopefully that will move things along. He tells me to book an appointment for Friday or Monday, suggesting that I wont need the appointment but that if I don't book it I will need it, you know, Murphy's law.

I booked for Friday, I hate waiting.

He also offered that if I want to be induced that he wouldn't take it off the table, but that he would prefer that I wait until at least after my due date. The baby is fine, he is just worried now that I am tired and how it will affect me. Yes, I am tired but waiting sounds like the better option for our little baby.

Today is Friday. Since my appointment there have been a few changes, like loss of plug. No contractions have resumed though. And I am just very tired!  I'm really hoping that something happens today, though I'm sure I will be saying that everyday until something DOES happen.

I'll have to update later after my appointment. :)

I think for me right now the thing that freaks me out the most is my water randomly breaking. That didn't happen with Ella, it broke at 10cms in the hospital. And while that freaks me out, I'd wish it would happen so at least I know then that this baby will be here and I wont get sent home from the hospital a third time!

Post written December 3 2010 moved from previous blog

The Count Down is On!

Alright, so I have been counting down since I got pregnant, you know with my pregnancy ticker and all, but now my due date is only 2 weeks away!

Most days lately I am just exhausted. My whole body aches all over and the amount of pressure this baby is putting in places, well its not a comfortable feeling! Suddenly today I have this burst of energy! I've been cleaning, doing laundry, baking and all with a sick toddler on top of it. I've been shopping for Christmas and everything in that department is pretty well done, our tree is up and now its time to get wrapping! I'm sure I'd have my Christmas cards finished and sent out already too but I'm waiting to send those once I know what this baby's name is!

It is really strange that suddenly I am starting to relax. While most women are going into panic mode about their baby's arrival I am patiently welcoming it. There are still things that I need to do, like pack my hospital bag and the baby's bag, and a bag for DD for wherever she ends up (its going to be a call the grandparents and whoever is avliable first will take her kind of deal.) Maybe my being so panicked before is what is giving me a more calm sense now.

While my urgency is lessening, Matt's seems to be increasing. He's now worrying about how much work he has to do at work and is wanting to stay late to get it all done. All of those things I had been asking about before were suddenly done in a weekend. He's now saying things like " it could be any day and a baby could be sleeping in that bassinett."

Really now its all a waiting game... I can't wait to meet this little person that I already love so much!

Post written November 23 2010 moved from previous blog

Potty Training and Diapers

When Ella was only 18 months old I was out at Toys R Us and decided, I was going to get her a potty. I can't remember why I then decided I was going to get her one, I think it had something to do with my having a gift card. Originally I was there getting her a new True Fit carseat, (the previous one had been in an accident) which I did get.  Anyhow, I brought that potty home and in two days she used it four times. Now was she ready to use the potty then? Maybe. We never really pushed it though. At the time it was more of a novelty for her to sit on it while watching Elmo than understanding that she was going on the potty.

When she turned two I decided to try it a bit more with her. For a few months she would get SO upset anytime I even mentioned the potty. Naturally, when I would go to the washroom she would come with me (I mean what mom goes to the bathroom by themselves anymore?!) and she would want to sit on her potty but wouldn't ever "go."

All I kept on hearing from other people was "You want her potty trained before that baby gets here!" I thought 'Well, sure that would be nice, only one kid in diapers' but I wasn't going to pressure her. This had to be something that SHE wanted to do. The more you pressure a kid about something like this the less likely they are going to do it I find. And who was to say that she even <em>knew</em> that she needed to use the potty yet? Some kids take a long time to grasp that understanding of "I have to go!"

Almost three weeks ago now Ella comes to me (it was a Tuesday) and tells me that she wants to use the potty. I then roll my eyes and say alright. I have heard this "I want to use the potty" line many times and nothing happens. Are you ever going to say no to them? Absolutely not! It could be that time that they actually use the potty, which in this case, it was! I called this Day one. She spent the rest of the day in panties, wet each and every pair that I put on her, but I wasn't worried about that. I just kept her off any carpet!

Day two rolls around. She gets up and I put her in panties. I have training pants here but I'm not a fan of them. Any time I had asked her about them before she just thought that she was going swimming. I can't say I blame her, Pull ups are exactly the same thing as those little swimmers that we would put on her to take her to swimming lessons. To my surprise she had 4 misses and 4 hits that day! I was so proud of her!

I should mention, I have never seen a kid so hard on themself when they have an accident. Many kids are just like "oh my pants are wet" or they don't even notice. Ella would wet herself and just start bawling! I had to reassure her that it was okay to have an accident, that she was learning, that I wasn't mad at her and that this was something we could easily clean up. That being said, her attitude when she went on the potty was the completely the same, only in a good way. She would get so excited! She'd have to call Daddy at work, then call Grandma at work. She wanted the whole world to know what a big girl she was!

Day three was a step backwards. She wasn't feeling well, we had 12 kids in the house from the construction of the park, so I let her wear a diaper that day. She still wound up using the potty, but only once. By the time Monday rolled around she wore her panties the whole day and did not have a single accident. That was almost two weeks ago and she has not had an accident since.

Everyone keeps asking me how I did it. I just tell them that it wasn't me, it was all her. Other than being there for her to take her to the bathroom and being patient and comforting when she had an accident, I had nothing to do with this!  She knew when she was ready and she let us know. I know all kids aren't going to be like that, some are going to take a lot of work to help along, but I really think that waiting until they are ready and not pushing them is the key component.

Even with the baby on the way I can now say that I will never have to buy diapers again. We just purchased 36 KaWaii pocket diapers. This is one of those situations where I can easily say "I wish I knew then, what I know now." We just spent over the last two years buying disposable diapers, and in two ebay auctions I now have enough diapers to get this little babe through the next two years! Live and let learn right?! I had Matt convinced when I showed him the numbers more than anything. Using a diaper calculator on, I discovered that in a year and a half we would save $1100!

The diapers arrived in the mail yesterday, and I have never been so excited about a diaper in my entire life! They are even more beautiful in person than they are in the picture! And oh so soft! The humor of my wonderful husband says " I wonder if you'll still be just as excited about them when they are covered in poop."  I am sure I will be when I see them on that cute little baby bum!

Post written November 6 2010 moved from previous blog

I've Become a Crunchy Momma!

First off maybe you don't know what I mean by my title. I'm not sure where this term ever came from, or really how to "define" the term but basically a crunchy mom is someone who; baby wears, co-sleeps, cloth diapers, extended breast feeds, cross feeds (or is not opposed to cross feeding) home schools, home births... and the list could go on. Now this isn't to say that all "crunchy" moms practice all of these things.

Realising that I have become a "Crunchy Mom"

Last night I was at a baby shower of a friend who recently had her baby (almost 2 weeks ago now) being that we are at a baby shower with a new baby a lot of discussions about babies are bound to come up. I'll explain what happened with a few of the topics.

First off we were discussing how long she was in labour, 35.5 hrs. That is a long labour! Somehow in this conversation epidurals came up. For some reason here the minute you are pregnant it seems to be assumed that you are going to get an epidural. Right now due to circumstances at the one and only hospital you can birth at in the city, you are unable to get an epidural after 12am. So people turn to me and say "what are  you going to do?!" When tell them that I wasn't planning to get one anyway so its not a big deal, they look at me like my hair is on fire! Everyone has the right to their OWN choices, espeically when it comes to the birth that they want. If you chose to get an epidural than by all means, get one. My experience with having an epidural did not go over well (as I have posted about before) so this time I'm choosing not to get one. Does this mean I am crazy? Maybe to some, but to me it really doesn't.

Eventually the topic of diapers came up. My friend had sent her husband out to get diapers. I mentioned to her that if she is going to use disposables that Costco is a good place to get them based on their cost, as well as the diaper genie refills there are cheaper. (I just spent the last 27 months using disposable diapers so I have some knowledge of these things.) She mentions that she doesn't have a diaper genie but that she wants one. So I tell her that mine is for sale, with one full refill and one started fill. Again, I am given a funny look and asked "aren't you going to be using it for this baby?" By this point I almost want to stop talking but I go on and tell them since everyone seems to be waiting for an answer. "No," I respond, "I'm going to be using cloth diapers with this baby." Her mom says, "Well jeeze! We were all so excited when Pampers came out and here these women are going back to using cloth." So, then I felt the need to explain a little bit and in very nice terms. "Cloth diapers are going to save me $1100 in the next year and a half alone."  Suddenly her mother shoots a look over at her like "YOU should do that!" My friend replies that she couldn't be bothered to do the cleaning and would rather spend the money, again, nothing wrong with that. Had you asked me about cloth diapers when my daughter was born I would have said the same thing, but you live and learn.

Three of the women at this party are nurses. When the baby needed to be nursed breastfeeding became the topic. These are all things that I enjoy talking about, with the right people of course. One of the nurses ends up discussing how before they said formula was better and now they are back to saying that breast milk is the best solution, and how they should just make up their minds. Thankfully she went on to say that is because of antibodies in the breast milk that aren't found in formula.  So I pipe up, "right, which is just why many hospitals, including Saskatoon, are starting to promote cross nursing." One of the nurses scrunches up her face and everyone else wants to know what I mean, which then leads me to having to explain that cross nursing is when one woman nurses another's baby, or the baby is fed breast milk from a donor through use of syringe or bottle. It seemed everyone turned their nose up to this and I just didn't say anything more.

I'll be flat out honest, when I first heard of that a year or so ago, I thought probably the same thing that they all thought. I mean, I supplemented my daughter with formula. You do what you have to as a parent. I had a heck of a time trying to nurse her and by the time I decided that this was enough she was 7.5 months old and mostly on formula. But I fought as hard as I knew how at that point. I know more now than I did then about how to keep going with it, which is all a part of parenting. Parenting is  never just about your child learning something its always going to be about all parties learning new things and learning about themselves. Have I now come around to the idea of cross nursing? Absolutely. I think I might feel a bit off if I was just babysitting someone else's baby for an afternoon and popped them on my breast to feed, but when it comes to babies in hospitals, adoption, or nursing children in a third world country, I am all for cross nursing and thankful that there are women out there willing to nurse or donate breast milk to other babies.

It was just at this point that I realized that I had become the crunchy granola mom. I guess my way of life and thinking had just been changing over time and I never really realized that the way I now think of things had become so green and liberal. This isn't something that happened to me over night; it is something that has happened within my own self learning and plenty of reading, over the last 2.5 years. And I am sure something that will continue to happen. I am never going to say to anyone that the way that I think is better than what they think. I might offer useful information, especially if it involves carseat or baby wearing safety. I mean lets face it, I am a mother and someone who loves ALL children, I'd hate to know that someone's child was hurt because I didn't offer the education, or repost an awesome video about being safe with your child on my facebook page.

I'm proud of all that I have learned, proud that I have become a crunchy momma. Last week I told Matt that I have really come to love this "world of mommy-hood/parenting" as I called it. Then I really had no idea that there was another term. So please don't scrutinize me like I have alien antae growing from my head, because I really love what I have learned and the person that I have become in this "world of mom!"

Post written November 4 2010 moved from previous blog

Community Feeling

This past year a group of moms and dads in our community decided that it would be a good idea to start up a community group to help fund a new park. Little did they know that group would end up doing more than just helping fund a park! When the message was sent out that this group was going to be starting I really wanted to join but I wasn't sure at the time if we were going to be moving or not. Now that I know we aren't moving I've joined them as an MAL (member at large.)

I have to say, this is some of the most fun I have had in a long time! We have lived in our house for two years and there are so many people even on my own street that I don't know. After running a meat fundraiser and a family day in the park, and discussing with the town it was decided that a new park would be built. Our community group managed to donate $5000 towards the park and the town paid the rest (another $20,000!)

This past Thursday while many of our significant others were at work a group of moms helped to put up the play structure. I volunteered my house as daycare for the day. With the help of another mom we watched up to 12 kids. We were quite surprised with how well all of the kids played together! The new playground is right behind my house so the kids also enjoyed watching the park come together.

This week we are going to be having a Halloween Family Dance. It feels really good to be able to help out with these events for our community. Within having our family dance we are also going to be fundraising money not just for municipal projects but also for a young baby who needs to go to Toronto for eye surgery. Unfortunately this family slips through the cracks for financial assistance from other groups. This isn't something that we initially intended to help out with, especially being such a new group, but it definitely feels good!

Post written October 26 2010 moved from previous blog


Being that it is Thanksgiving weekend I thought that this would be a good idea to write about what I am thankful for.

I know it sounds really cliche to say that I am thankful to be here and thankful for the family that I am surrounded with, but I do have a really good reason as to why.

On Thursday my mother and I decided to drive to Regina to visit her mother and my Dads mother. We left in the morning had a visit with my Grandma and then had a visit with my Gran. Both visits went well and I was happy to see them both. I find it is really important to have a good relationship with your Grandparents. Not everyone is lucky enough to know their grandparents. Its also really important to me that Ella has a relationship with them. I don't know of any other child that has three sets of grandparents, three great grandmothers, a great grandfather and a great great grandmother. I don't even really know anyone else my own age who still has a living great grandparent.

Being the time of year that it is dusk comes a lot sooner. I find this to to be a happy and sad thing. I only like it because I like to go for walks at dusk when it gets cooler and well Ella is asleep by the time darkness comes in the summer. Anyhow, my mother is driving home, she doesn't mind driving in the dark, especiallly since the highway is double lane the whole way home. A set of headlights is coming toward us and it looks to be like it is in the wrong lane. Sure enough the lights were on our side of the highway coming straight for us. Thanfully there was no one in the right lane and she was able to move over. This person was driving awfully fast, they had no idea what was going on, didn't swerve or anything. Combine that with the fact that my mom was doing the speed limit of 110km an hour. Had the two cars collided... lets just say we are very lucky to be here right now.

At first only shock hit me. Why on Earth was this person on the wrong side of the road?! There is no way that person is sober! We pulled to the side of the highway and my mom called 911. We have to get someone to get this person off the road before someone else is hit. She discusses it with the RCMP and we sit there for a bit while she regains her ability to drive after such a shock. Once she started to drive I began to think about my beautiful little two year old in the back seat, and the baby moving inside my body and just started to cry.

About 2o minutes down the highway, maybe even less than that, we see an ambulance with its lights on speeding by. All we can think is "oh my, I hope no one is seriously injured." That was the point when my mom started to cry. Thankfully we made it home safe and sound. I put my sleeping babe in her bed and just held my husband and cried, thanking God over and over again for keeping us safe.

Tonight my mom called. She said that the RCMP contacted her and that they will be asking for a statement from both of us. It turns out that there WAS an accident after due to this driver. The passenger side of his car collided with a semi. His vehicle is completely demolished, the axil on the semi broken, and he denies that he was drunk. The RCMP told her that three hours later his blood alcohol level was 2.54. That is three times the legal limit. I just have to shake my head, if that is what happened to a semi.... I don't even want to think of what would have happened to the four of us.

This weekend I am going to pay extra attention to what I am thankful for. Even on the days where my family is driving me absolutely crazy, I would take that over the alternative anyday. I have a beautiful little girl, a soon to be little baby in my arms, an amazing husband and all of the extended family that anyone could imagine. A house, a dog and a whole lot of love around me. I couldn't ask for better things to be thankful for.

Happy Thanksgiving everyone!

Post written October 9 2010 moved from previous blog

Nesting and Cravings

Two things that many men are never REALLY going to understand about pregnant women.

When I was pregnant with my daughter I didn't really experience many cravings. Quite often people would ask me if I had any cravings and really I would tell them that I was just craving food! My body would tell me that I was hungry so I would think of something and eat it. Much like everything else with this pregnancy, the situation with cravings is completely different!

Last weekend I was craving a Wendy's burger (I order a classic with cheese and never anything else if I eat there) I really had to hunt throught the house to find something that my body might find edible. Everything just made me sick. I think this is the part that a lot of men don't understand, that if we don't eat what our bodies want us to eat we might get sick from it- no matter how far into our pregnancy we are!

With this pregnancy I have hit my nesting phase a lot sooner. I feel so paniced about having everything ready for the baby. Trying to express this to Matt just doesn not seem to be getting through to him. Not long ago we moved Ella from the crib to a bed. When we did this we also moved her room to a new room down the hall. So it was not just getting one room ready but two rooms. So far Ella's room is almost done, just putting up pictures on her walls. The baby room is a whole other story. Being that I am 6 months pregnant, I need his help.  There are things to purchase, not a lot but some, and all of the stuff that has been tucked under the stairs to come out and go through and see what I can use. Even if we have a girl all of the clothes I have are for a summer baby. And to top all of that off, that room really needs to be cleaned.

The sense of urgency is really lacking on his part! All I want is to be prepared, that way before the baby comes I can hopefully get a little bit of much needed rest!

Post written September 10 2010 moved from previous blog

Too Much Too Fast?

Sometimes I think we are the craziest people on the planet. Plenty of people out there meet someone, fall in love, a few years later they may move in together and get married and then down the road they have a baby.

Not the case with us.

We met, and 9 months later we moved in, two months later we found out we were going to have a baby. One month later we were engaged. Four months after that we moved into our first home. Two months after that we had our daughter, and bought a new car. A month later myself and the baby were baptised, and then two months later we got married.

Is your head spinning yet?

I have to say the only reason a wedding worked into that so quickly was because I was at home with the baby. Had I been working I don't think we could have pulled off planning our wedding in three months!

After that things cooled off for a while. We have been living in our house and raising our daughter and then started planning when to have the next baby. Well that baby will be here in three short months and we are back to throwing craziness into the mix. We bought a van, Matt started a new job, we bought a puppy and we have a wonderfully crazy 2 year old running around.

Again, is your head spinning?

Somedays I have to stop myself and really try to remember how long we have been together, its not even four years yet and look at everything that we have been through together. Our second wedding anniversary is next week. I have to say, I couldn't be happier. I don't think I would have changed a single thing. Not the order things were done or how quickly some may think that they happened. I sure feel like I have known Matt for a lot longer than I have.

My head may be spinning, but the nausea is only from being pregnant! :)

Post written September 10 2010 moved from previous blog

The Chore Chart

A couple of weeks ago I thought of the idea to make Ella a chart for chores. Even though she is only two shes been "helping" us do things around the house. She really enjoys helping with the dishes. We hand her things like forks and she puts them in the dishwasher, or she takes out any of the plastic containers and knows where most of them go. If the dishwasher needs to be started she puts the Cascade tablet in and pushes the buttons, and all the while is uber-proud of herself.

I thought, its great that she wants to help us and she should be rewarded in some kind of way for helping. The concept of allowance is not there yet, nor should it be really, she is only two, but the idea that she should help out around the house and help her family is something that I really don't mind her learning at a young age.

On her chart I have the following; dishes helper, help clean her bedroom, help clean her toys, supper helper, feeding the dog, and using the potty. The rules are that when she achieves a total of ten stickers she will get a prize.  I wasn't sure what to do for the prize, do I go and get things from the dollar store, do I give her money like an allowance?

Today she reached her ten stickers and I had to decide what I wanted to do. I had a book that she has never seen that I could give her as a prize or I could go with the traditional allowance route and give her some money. I decided that keeping the book and giving that to her later as a really special prize for using the potty would be best. Matt and I counted all of the stickers with her and told her that she would get two quarters to put in her piggy bank. I don't think I have seen her so excited! She went upstairs with Matt to get her money and then took them and ran down the hallway to her room to put them in her piggy bank.

Funnily enough, all of her stickers are for helping with the dishes and feeding the dog. We'll have to work on the rest of that chore chart!

Post written August 30 2010 moved from previous blog

Ella's Birth Story

While talking with doulas this past week my birth story with Ella has been quite the topic of discussion. I've decided to write about it now because come December I'll have another birth story to write.

Ella was born on Friday June 20, 2008. On the Monday of that week at a Doctors appointment my Dr told me that he would see me before my next appointment which was scheduled for the following Monday. Things were beginning to happen. I was very uncomfortable but very excited!

Thursday evening was a really nice night, not too hot, low amount of wind. Matt was working late and I think out for wings with his guy friends, so I went over to my parents for supper and then we went out for a walk. I was able to and up for it so our walk was around an hour long.  After an evening of a long walk, some baby dancing and a shower I was ready for bed. My sleep that night was well for the most part restless but at the point in my pregnancy that was how most nights were.

By 5:30 in the morning though I was feeling VERY uncomfortable. I got up to go to the washroom for who knows, likely the tenth time that night/morning but this time was different. First I did my business but then I felt and heard a "plop." Inspecting what had just happened I noticed that I had lost my mucous plug. While some women don't notice this mine was very evident. I don't think I had ever been so excited to see something like that in my life! Any other situation and it would have been a WTH? kind of moment, instead I had a grin from ear to ear! Things were beginning to progress.

Almost immediately after I stood up what had felt like braxton hicks before suddenly felt a whole lot different. The contractions I had been having were no longer just in my stomach but down into the tops of my upper thighs. I waited a few minutes and then it happened again. I decided to wake Matt up. I told him, "I think we are going to have a baby today!" He looked at the clock, pleased with the time that he had been able to get sleep through out the night. He got up with me and we waited to see what was going to happen before he made the call to work to say that he wouldn't be in for the day.

My contractions were all over the place. And very close together. By 8:30am we decided that it would be a good idea to head into the hospital. We don't live too far away from the city but better safe than sorry to get in. When we got to the hospital they checked us in and then sent us to an assesment room. We waited in the assessment room for over 2 hours before anyone even came back. By the time they came back I was already 7cm dialated. So off they sent me to labour and delivery.

When I made it to my labour room I met the nurse I would have for the rest of my labour until Ella arrived. The hooked me up to an IV and asked if I wanted anything for pain. The anesthisologist was in a surgery at the time so they would have to give me something other than an epidural. So they gave me some demoral. I suppose it numbed some of the pain a little but not what I had expected. A few more hours went by and they told me that I was 10cm but the baby was high up so I could still go ahead with the epidural. So I did. I'm not sure what it was, finally being able to move rather than lying in a bed or the needle in the back but as soon as he was done my water broke and the baby moved down. Suddenly I could no longer feel anything but the odd bit of pressure.

Around 4:30 my Dr arrived with a resident. They said that soon it would be time to start pushing. At this point two nurses were talking to each other and the Dr and the resident seemed to be having a good time and Matt and I looked at each other blankly wondering how much longer this would take and why wasn't anyone talking to the two of us. Finally by 5pm they tell me that I can start pushing. So I start to push when they tell me to. They still don't seem to be paying a whole lot of attention though. Finally one of them notices that this not going to be easy for me and they begin to do more checking. Turns out the baby is facing the wrong way, she was posterior. (Now I am told that if I did not have the epidural in place I could have been suffering a lot of back labour at this point, though I think not having it would have helped me to get her out, but that is a whole other post.)

The resident and the Dr exchange some looks and decide they are going to use suction to help me get her out. They suction the top of her head a total of 8 times before I am able to push her head out. They stop, because the cord was around her neck once and remove it from her neck, and finally I am able to push the rest of her out. As the rest of her body comes out the cord snapped from the placenta. They tell me that the baby is a girl and I look at Matt and we both begin to cry. He is so proud of me and happy that we finally have our little family.

The joy of the moment is short lived though. They can't get her to cry, and they are working on trying to get her to breathe. I had never been so scared in my life. I kept asking why she wasn't crying. After watching years of a baby story and thinking that every baby comes out crying I am now worried that she isn't. Finally she cries and it is the most beautiful sound I have ever heard. They tell us that they are going to be taking her to the NICU. They wrap her up and hand her to me. I look at her and say "Hi Ella, you're so beautiful" and stroke her cheek. Then we are left with the most gut wrenching feeling as they take her from me to the NICU.

No one really told us WHY they were taking her there; the only thing mentioned was that they wanted to make sure she didn't have any bruising or bleeding because of use of the suction. So while we are upset we are happy, we have a beautiful little girl! We call our families and they bring me some supper. Food had never tasted so good in my life, after not eating all day I was just starving! After a shower I am taken to my room.

Its difficult to understand what going to the NICU means until you see your baby in there conected to air tubes and IV and all you can do is hold their hand and look at them. This is the point where Matt and I begin to get frustrated. We would ask questions and no one could provide us any answers. After visiting with our baby we go back to my room. Matt knows that I am going to need him to stay with me the night. He asked me if I needed him to stay and I just started bawling. We sat there, and held each other and both cried, not knowing what would happen with our beautiful little girl.

It seems that because it was the weekend no one could tell us anything about her. The weekend consisted of different Doctors and Nurses that had not been there the day before they would have to reassess her condition. This continued until Monday. I stayed in the hospital visiting her in the NICU the whole weekend, and on Monday they told me that they were going to allow her to room in with me finally. They would like us to both stay another night so that they could make sure she was ready to go home.

While she was in the NICU the nurses went ahead and dealt with her as they saw fit with out ever consulting what Matt or I had wanted. I missed her first feeding, where instead of feeding here the milk I had pumped for her they fed her formula. Not knowing any better I just thought that maybe that was how they did things there, to make sure that she would be alright. At one point while visiting her I noticed that they had been giving her a soother without my knowledge. This combined with the bottle really confused me. I had read so much about nipple confusion, everything said to NOT give them these things until they were set on their way in breast feeding. The first time I was able to feed Ella they handed me a bottle and I fed it to her. I asked the nurse when I would be able to breast feed her and she replied "oh, I suppose you could have done that now." This just left Matt and I both frustrated.

Finally on that Monday when she was able to room in with me, with the help of nurses and a lactation consultant I was shown how to nurse my baby. This came with a lot of struggle, and remained a struggle until I finally stopped nursing her at 7.5 months.

On Tuesday morning we were able to pack her up and take her home. We were so happy to leave!

Ella's birth has given me a lot of insight into what I want out of my labour with our newest little bean. Since having her I have read a lot and learnt a lot and know changes that we can make so that this labour hopefully runs a lot smoother.

We are so lucky to have a beautiful, bright eyed, very smart, curious, talkitive little two year old. I wouldn't trade her for anything in the world.

We love you Ella!


post written August 27 2010 moved from previous blog

Pregnancy Update!

Its been a while since I have blogged, but now that I am at home I am feeling much more relaxed and I have the time to sit down and write!

I have been at home a couple of weeks now. I was having a lot of issues working a full day on my feet and running around. I worked on my feet all day when I was pregnant with Ella but the pace of the job then was a lot slower and I was in better shape going into that pregnancy than I was going into this one. For sure I will need a plan for how to rid of the baby weight this time! I had issues with my sciatic nerve when pregnant with Ella but this pregnancy they are a lot worse. Then to add to that low back pain from picking up a two year old and I was also getting round ligament pain in my stomach so my Doctor decided thats it for you!

I have to say, I feel a whole lot better being at home. I still have a million and a half things to do here but I can sit down and take a break when I need it, where I couldn't really do this at work. I also get to spend the day with Ella, which is what I have always wanted; being at home with my kids. Yes, this does cut into how much maternity time I get later with the baby but I have been planning for years that after this baby I would finally open my dayhome so there is really no reason I can't do that before the baby is a year old.

We had an ultrasound at around 19 to 20 weeks. Everything with the baby was fine and it was wonderful to see how much it had grown from the last time and to see it moving around. I wanted to know what the baby was but the little one had another plan. This worked in Matt's favour because he really didn't want to know. So we will wait. Only 15 more weeks, give or take, and we will get to meet our little love.

Ella talks about the baby a lot, for a two year old anyway. She will come up and ask to feel the baby. They even play together already. Ella will blow raspberries on my tummy and then the baby will respond with a kick right after, each time. I think she is going to make a great big sister!

This past week we had a few interviews with doulas. Matt still doesn't understand why we would need a doula this time around. He thinks now that it would have been helpful to have with the first labour. In his mind this would somehow take away from his roll, rather than enhancing it. From talking to the doulas I still have plenty of time so I am going to get some reading for the two of us to do. One book is called Birth Partner, by Penny Simkin. I have had this one referred to me a few times so it will be good for both of us, but more so Matt to read. The other is called The Doula Book; How a Trained Labour Companion Can Help You Have a Shorter, Easier, and Healthier Birth. Again, this is something that I want to read but I think it would be really helpful for him to read. There were a lot of avoidable complications with Ella's birth that I really don't want to see happen again. He says he understands where I am coming from but I still don't really feel like he understands ALL of it. Not that I can blame him really, going through labour and watching it are two very different things. Even if we don't end up with a doula I am hoping that reading The Birth Partner will help him to understand what to do with me better. One of the changes I want to make with this labour is that I do not want to get an Epidural. I really think that hindered my experience with the first labour. I wasn't able to feel my contractions or that urge to push. I wound up doing a lot of purple pushing and all with a lack of coaching.

While we didn't think we had enough going on, we also got a puppy! He is a maltese-yorkie cross, aka a morkie. He wont get very big at all. Right now he is only 3lbs, I'm guessing he wont be bigger than 6lbs full grown. Ella just loves him. He's still having a few issues with house training but we will get through that. A couple of weeks ago the dog made a mess on the floor. Just as I finished cleaning up after the dog, Ella peed on the floor. I had been trying to get her to go on the potty.  On to the next mess I went, but as I was cleaning up that mess Ella looks at me and says "Bad dog!" I told her, "No, YOU made this mess!" Since then any messes of any kind are now created by the dog.

What can I say? Some people were born to be Doctors or Police officers, I was meant to clean up poop and pee all day. I wouldn't change it for anything.

Post written August 26, 2010 moved from previous blog


Yes, you have read the title correctly, I have been given those wonderful two pink lines across a pregnancy test once again. This happend just over a week ago, and I have to say I am now excited. I've made it furthar this time than last time, and also made it past a week since finding out.

Sunday March 28th, in the evening I decided to once again POS. Was I beginning to drive myself a little bit mad with testing? You bet. But when its been over thirty days and you have yet to see any sign of AF you've every right to go a little bit crazy. I had no idea what was going on? Was my body just taking extra time to re-regulate after the miscarriage? Was I pregnant (Please, oh, please!)  After about a minute I notice a very faint pink line next to a very dark pink line. Even lighter than the last time, which really made me wonder if I was seeing things. I kept my mouth quite to my wonderful husband and went to bed, sure to test in the morning.  Around 6 am the next morning I have to get up and go to the washroom. Very groggily I make sure to test again. Still the line was very faint but it was there. My husbands alarm goes off for him to go to work and I show him the test. He sees two lines too. We try to not get excited though, he goes to work and I call the Drs office the minute that they are open.

Though I was not able to get into my own Dr (when can I without booking a month in advance!) I was able to get in to see another one of the Drs that I happen to like. He sends me for a bloodtest but I wont get the results back until the next day. With the little patience that I have, after the blood test I head over to shoppers to purchase a digital Clear Blue Pregnancy test. Technology has sure come a long way. These tests will not only just say "pregnant" or "not pregnant" across them, they also tell you approximately how long ago you concieved. Once again I POS. I wait two minutes and the test says "pregnant" I wait another minute and it tells me " 1- 2" which would mean weeks since concieveing. Absolutely a wonderful feeling to have that reassurance.

The next day the Dr calls to tell me that yes there is HCG in my blood but that it seems on the low side so they want to send me for another test. Come in tomorrow so that they can get me the paper for that. So I go in to the Drs office after work and the receptionist gives me a bit of an attitude and tells me that she can get me in the next morning. I explain to her that I am only there for a repeat blood test and that I am not coming back the next day for some stupid paper. Finally she just reprints the previous paper (like that was hard!)

Thursday rolls around and I have not heard anything by the time I get home from work. So I call the Drs office. The receptionist on the phone tells me that my results are in but that they have not been reviewed and that the Dr is gone for the day. This means that I have to wait until MONDAY to hear what I want to hear because the office is closed all weekend for Easter. I hate waiting for answers. Really, I blame it on the instant society that we live in, but when you want to hear that the fetus growing inside of you is doing well patience is not on the vocabulary list.

Monday rolls around and I get the wonderful words that I want to hear around noon. Thank God it didn't take all day! Excitement sets in. Yes, I am still worried that something could happen. To be honest though, I think every mother is worried while pregnant that something could happen to the life inside of her.

Ella is really funny. We asked her if she wanted a baby brother or sister and she replies, "Sure!" Then we ask do you know what that means? And her response is "Yes," with a look like 'umm, yeah!' Does she know what it means? I really don't think she does yet, especially since her response to most questions is yes. :)

Come November to December 2010, I will be the mother of two beautiful little children.... I can hardly wait!

Post written April 7 2010 moved from previous blog

Vocabulary Blunder!

Every kid winds up with one of these " vocabulary blunders." A word that although they believe they are saying it and are so excited to be saying it, the word comes out to us as something else altogether.

Last week Ella is in the bathtub and she has one of those little bath books that she is looking at. As she is looking (through the book) I point at the pictures to tell her what each picture is of. I point at the duck and say "duckie." She already knows this one but looks at it and repeats, "duckie." Next I point at the frog and say "Froggie," to which she replies, "f*ckie." Naturally both Matt and I both laugh at this, though supressing our laughter because little does Ella know she is saying a bad word. A week later and frog or froggie is still not correctly being pronounced but she will get it in time. Until then we'll just have to explain to people what she REALLY means! And of course, continue to secretly laugh about this!

Post written March 16th 2010 moved from previous blog

Not So Nice

Most days now I hardly think about the miscarriage. Maybe that is because it happened so early and I have a strong belief that we will have another baby and that it wont be a long time coming. (Fingers crossed) Other days I think about it some. The not so nice part-- I keep having this dream about it. Not really about what happened or losing the baby exactly though. Here is usually what happens:

It is approximately April. I go to the Dr's office because I have received a positive result on a pregnancy test. This time I'm not so cocky though and let them test me for a positive result of their own. The Dr. asks all of the usual first visit questions. "What makes you think you are pregnant?" And of course, "When was your last period?" In the dream I tell him that the last period I had was when the previous pregnancy terminated. So because of this they tell me that they want to send me for an ultrasound test to see how far along I am in this pregnancy. So I call Matt and we go to the ultrasound. The ultrasound technician then tells me that the due date of the baby is October 21st. I tell her that this cannot possibly be right and she says that it is. I start to get upset with her, telling her that there is no way that is the due date of the baby. That was the due date of the baby that we lost and that this baby cannot have that date. Sometimes I get mad and tell her that I want someone else to come and do the ultrasound, other times she just sends me right to my Dr. Either way I end up at my Dr's office again and he either tells me that they made a mistake at the hospital and that some women end up with a heavy flow period the first month but are still pregnant or that yes, I had miscarried, but only ONE baby and that there is still another in there.

This dream is totally absurd. I know what the Dr told me at the hospital, I know what happened, I saw the ultrasound where there was NOTHING in my uterus. Why the heck do I keep dreaming this?! It has been happening at least twice a week. I am trying to move on from this so that we can continue to create our family. I know it wasn't all that long ago that this happened but this dream just drives me nuts! I end up thinking after it, "well, maybe I should test, just to make sure." Then I figuratively give my head a shake and come back to my senses.  It is so frustrating to be having such a good day, only to wake up in the middle of the night to this horrendous dream. Just when I think I'm making headway this dream comes around and pulls me right back.

Post written March 12, 2010 moved from previous blog

Almost a Year!

Almost a year has gone by since I have written an update... I think it is about time to do that!

June 2009 to present: At the start of the June I had been faced with the dilemma of going back to work at my current job or finding something new. I wound up working at a Subway. I had been hired on to work Monday to Friday 8 to 4. I only worked there for three months before the owner decided to let me go. Her reason was that I was not able to be flexible enough for her because I had a baby. I had always been at work on time and had missed one day because Ella was throwing up. To each their own, it was better that I was not working there anymore. The entire time I had been working there I wanted to be at home with Ella and pursuing Mary Kay. When she let me go I did  pursue Mary Kay, for only about three months. I had been working like a dog, holding class after class and having no one purchase one thing! Instead of making money I was starting to lose money and you can't have a family live on that.  That had taken us to Christmas where I decided to work over the holiday season.

Just after Christmas the whole family went to Palm Springs. We also spent a couple of days in San Diego.  After our trip I began working at Tim Horton's baking. I am really liking it there. I now work Tuesday to Saturday which has its negatives and pluses but it will be a good job for the time being.

In January we decided to start TTC baby #2. On February 14th we found out that we were expecting! Absolutely were we excited. Who had thought that it would only take one month to get pregnant. By the 19th though we were at the hospital and I had miscarried the baby.  The last couple of weeks have been difficult. I have had many ups and downs. Trying to be positive is not always an easy thing to do! A friend of mine had found out that she is expecting only days before we would have been due to have our child. We were both really excited that we would be having our children together. I haven't really been able to talk to her even over facebook let alone see her yet. I even found myself taking a break from CPO for most of last week. It was just too difficult to be on the message boards and see that new people were getting that BPF without even meaning to, or that others were also losing their beloved babies. I would be fine for most of the day, then come online and find myself in misery.  A friend told me something that I had really needed to hear, something that another friend who has miscarried had said to her, " I just have to remember that I alone cannot make a person, that it is God that makes a person." I had been obsessing over charting and making sure that we were baby dancing at that "right" time of the month, which had just made all of the passion disappear.  I am starting to come to terms with what happened, which probably just takes longer each time that it does, (this was the second time) We are back to trying, or rather not preventing it. When we are meant to have another child we will, though I do hope it is sooner rather than later. I just had to say to myself " You can't be mad at other people for this. There is no one to blame because it is no ones fault." The first thing I had wanted to do was to blame my Dr. After all, he was the one who had done the pap test the day that my bleeding had started. It was easy to point a finger and say that that would have been the cause. Which really is not fair of me to say because more than likely the two had nothing to do with each other. That being said, he has done a pap and if it takes us over a year to become pregnant again I will kindly tell him that I would rather wait to do the pap test until further in the pregnancy or to leave it to afterward.

I will post again soon! For 2010 we have selected 12 books for the Chapter Chit Chat book club, I am going to be writing reviews about each as well.  January and February will be posted very soon :)

Post written March 5, 2010 moved from previous blog

Back to Work Blues

Well I only have a few days left at home with my little lovekin :( It is hard to believe that a year has gone by so fast! For months I have been searching for a new job and going in to Staples to try and ask questions about how things are now operating. A lot of things can change in a year, which by the sound of it has happened. For the longest time no one would say anything, which is really frustrating. On Tuesday I went in to talk to them and try and get some answers. The boss tells me that I am now going to have to work at least two evenings a week, and that my salary paid position is now hourly paid. I told them that there is no way that I can work in the evening. Ella needs to be picked up from daycare by 5:30, Matt works until 5:30 or 6, sometimes later than that, so I have to be the one to go and get her. Starting work later in the day would also mess with things. Would I wake Ella up for the same time and take her to daycare and then not see her all day, she would be in bed before I got home. I will be paying $550 a month regardless of if she is there half a day or not. It doesn't sound like I would have any say in which evenings I would be working either and they have never been great about getting the schedule done in a good enough amount of time. When I told them that this would not work they didn't seem too impressed. Why would I think that my shifts would have been changed around? Before I left I was working Monday to Friday days.  The boss says " Well the world changed while you were gone." Excuse me? Its not as if I have been on a deserted island for the past 11 months I know what is going on in "the world." Don't make me sound like some idiot who has no idea what is going on. Then he said "don't worry about this now, just finish your week off with your daughter and we will see you on Monday." How can he not expect me to worry about it?! Now I need to figure out either how to make this work or what to do.

I was so mad! I drove my parents office not that far away just to vent. They really were not happy that they would have done that to me, especially that it is only a few days before I go back to work. My dad hopped on the computer and started searching. He found a full time Monday to Friday days job at Subway. So I took the lady my resume and she said that she would phone me by Friday.  I am not really looking to make a career out of where I am working at the moment.  My Mary Kay business is starting to pick up and that is great! I am hoping that it wont take long and I can just be focused on that since that is what I want in a career. The flexibility of hours, the pay, and all of the extra perks that the company throws your way. And best of all, making other women feel good about themselves!  Now I am anxiously waiting for a call from this lady at Subway to see if I have the job. It seemed like I would have it.

I really want to stay home with Ella :( She has been extra fun this week and I know now that summer is finally starting to appear it would only have gotten better.


Post written May 28, 2009 moved from previous blog

Our Vegas Honeymoon

Well it is about time I wrote my entry all about our honeymoon!

We left Saturday May 2, 2009 in the afternoon on a direct flight. There seemed to be more turbulence than we are used to and the landing was a bit rough, not that we got sick, we aren't air sick people. I am going to blame that on the fact that it was a brand new plane, and I believe that the co-pilot did most of the flying and he seemed to be a fairly new pilot too. It wasn't terrible, just not the smoothest flight. We wound up getting there half an hour early too which was nice. We arrived at 5:35 local time. Even though it was just a short drive to our hotel, The Signature at MGM, it was still $14.10 USD. After the tip that wound up at an even $20.00 USD. Matt had forgotten that they had one dollar bills in the states so he said to the cab driver, "A five back will be good" and the driver said " All I get is a 90 cent tip?" I handed the five back to the driver and said thanks, apparently I had forgotten too that they had smaller bills. That bothered Matt into the next day that the driver was given a $6.00 tip and he was not a good driver. He was all over the place and on his cell phone the entire time speaking a language we had no idea what he was saying. It was too bad we hadn't been on the cab before, we'd have been riding in a Cadillac CTS (like the one I am aiming to earn with Mary Kay) and that driver seemed a lot friendlier! When we went to check in there were a few issues. My mom and dad had rented a time share on Ebay and the owner had not put our names on the room! After making a couple of calls, and 20 minutes later we were checked in to a room that made us feel absolutely rich!! We had a full living room and kitchen, a three piece bath and then the Master bedroom had a very comfortable king size bed, with a TV that comes up out of the desk. The master bathroom had separate his and her sinks. Hers equipped with a vanity with magnifying mirror, and his equipped with a TV!! There was a full size glass door shower, a jetted tub big enough for two and the toilet was even in a seperate little room with a phone!  Who needs a phone in the bathroom?!

By this point it was almost 9:00 our time(at home 7:00 Vegas time)  so we are starved!  So we set off to get some food.  Little do we know there is a fight that night at the MGM. This left us fighting through a HUGE crowd of crazy fight fans.  We walked over to the Luxor to find the food court there, we had walked right by the food court at MGM, couldn't see it through all of those people! It was good though because it was a lot quieter there anyway. We decide to eat at this place called Nathan's Famous. Wow! Do I wish we had one here!! I asked about the Cheese Steak,  the gentleman working tells me that it is their most popular item, not just for them but in that whole area, so I decide to get it. This was the BEST Cheese Steak I have ever eaten in my life. Now it doesn't look like much, but I had to take a picture.  The meat on it was so good! It had a soft layer of mayo, which didn't even taste like mayo with the rest of it on there, mushrooms, onions, green peppers and mozzarella cheese. The bread that it was made on was so soft. I ate two on the trip and now just thinking about it has me wanting another one!

We set off back to our hotel after walking around a bit more only to be fighting against the crowd of people leaving the fight! It was wall to wall people and being so short I could hardly see a thing. All I could do was trust that Matt could see where he was going so I clung to his hand and he fought through the people dragging me behind him! Eventually we made it through.

Day two we went to the Las Vegas Outlet Center to do some shopping. I really had been hoping to find a dress for my brother in law's wedding this summer, but no such luck. I found a lot of dresses that I would have loved to have bought but they were all way too much money! We did end up with a new pair of sandals each, courtesy of the Sketchers store. I found a couple of shirts. Ella is where I could have shopped all day. We don't have a Gymboree in Saskatoon so I made sure to get her some clothes there while I was around a Gymboree store. I could have kept shopping but Matt said, no, that's enough clothes! lol. That night we went and saw 'O' by Cirque De Soleil at the Belagio. It was such an incredible show. It is one of the more expensive shows to see in Vegas but it is worth every penny of it!

The next morning we went for breakfast with Mark(Matt's brother) and his girlfriend Kristy. Yes, we did end up doing something with them, despite that it was our honeymoon, but we had a lot of fun. We ate at the Luxor buffet, making sure to stay long enough to get some breakfast food and some lunch food ;) After that they came to our hotel to enjoy our eight swimming pools, including a lazy river. It wasn't too sunny while we were there so we didn't get a whole lot of sun, but it was nice to be lazy on the pool side. After lazing in the river we split up for the afternoon. Matt and I wound up having a nice nap in our hotel room before meeting Mark and Kristy again for a late supper at The Rain Forest Cafe. I have seen this rainforest cafe before, and another elsewhere I think, but I had never eaten at one before so I really wanted to go there. That was our "fancy meal" of the trip. One thing about Vegas is that the food there is really expensive! (Remember the cheese steak? I had that with fries and a drink, Matt had chicken fingers and a drink and it cost us $30.00 USD!!) It was a really neat atmosphere to sit in and because we went later, 8:30, it wasn't super busy. The food was very good! (I will add an image soon, need to get it from Mark)

Day four we spent some time walking around and seeing few sights, including my favorite, M&amp;M World. Four floors of everything M&amp;M!!! We came home with half a set of mugs that I really liked and when my mom and dad are there in September I have already told her she is going to bring home the other  half for me! If ever you want a nice big coffee mug that is the place to buy it! They are always really cute and fit a good two cups of tea in them. Perfect!

Later on we went to see a Titanic exhibit. This exhibit is going to be in Vegas for the next ten years so if you want to see it you shouldn't miss it.  It takes about an hour to walk through and look at everything. When you start off they give you a card and you are now this passenger on the ship, when you get to the end you get to see if that person survived or not. They have a ton of artifacts from the real ship, stories of passengers and crew members, and the big piece of the ship that has been brought to surface. This piece is massive! Which is likely the biggest reason this exhibit is going to be at the Luxor for so long, it would take a lot of work to move that around! We finished the day off with some swimming, and  think that was our second Nathan's meal night. We tried to eat cheaper than the first time though!

On Wednesday May 6, 2009 we spent the morning packing up, checking out, eating breakfast at the MGM buffet and then all day in airports flying home. On the way home we had to take three planes. First we flew to Vancouver, then to Calgary, then to Saskatoon. We reached home by 12:00 am local time. It was a long way home but thankfully didn't have to wait too long at the airports. One of our flights, the one from Vancouver to Calgary, left late due to other flights during the day being canceled and other flight crew members finally being able to get a flight home. That made us a bit more pushed for time but not by much.

Matt's mom and dad had brought Ella back to our house and put her to bed. She woke up at 3:30 in the morning ( I had hardly even gotten to sleep yet!) She was so happy to see me! I got this big hug and then she wanted to play. I did get her back to sleep and she was really happy to have us home in the morning. Matt spent the next two days at home and I was thrown right back into my Mary Kay work, which is why it has taken me so long to write this!  We could have used one more day to go to the pool again and see something things that we had wanted to see and missed but it was so nice to come home to Ella! I sure missed her! Next time we fly somewhere, this coming Christmas by the sound of it, she will be coming with us. Won't that be an adventure to write about!

Post written May 20, 2009 moved from previous blog

An Unhappy Morning

Matt and I decided to make the extra effort to get up, get ready and go to church this morning for Palm Sunday. While this service is generally an upsetting service I find it is one of my more favourite services to go to, especially when you follow it up with Easter Sunday the next week. The service starts off where everyone gets a palm leaf and we sing, walking around the church to our seats rather than the ordinary go sit down before it starts. The end of the service does not end in song the way it usually does but ends in darkness and quiet. For anyone who does not know, on Palm Sunday we discuss the last supper and how Jesus died.

WELL.... we never made it to the time of darkness and quiet. Just as communion was to start a woman two rows in front of us stopped breathing. Another member of the church wound up doing CPR on her and got her breathing again, while others crowed around her and someone called the ambulance.

Now I have been thinking about this poor woman all day while I wait for a friend of mine to be able to tell me if she is alright or if she knows what happened to cause this. I don't even know this woman but I can't stop thinking about her. :(

I guess you just never really know when your time will be.

Post written April 5, 2009 from previous blog

A Long Talk

Yesterday afternoon a great friend of mine came over for a visit. I love to visit this friend. We can talk for hours it seems. I have only known her a couple of years but I feel like I have known her all my life.  She is very important to my family, she was my baptismal sponsor and also Ella's sponsor. My friend recently quit her job. I have never seen her more happy! She had some banked time and holidays to the point where she is now able to take two months time to figure out what she is going to do for the time being and try to get into seminary for the fall. I am so proud of her! For such a long time I was worried about her because she has always been so busy and so stressed. She hasn't been taking good care of herself and always seems to put the needs of others ahead of her own, while this is admirable, it is also one of her faults. She had expressed to me that she was at a point in her life where she did not care if she saw the next day. She thought who would really care if I was gone. I told her that I would care. Her response was that I would make new friends. I then told her " A new friend, never replaces an old friend." If something were to happen to her I would be beyond words for how upset I would be. Since quitting her job she has decided to start taking better care of herself again, which makes me so happy to hear! She said that she sat down and thought about how she is now and how she wants to be and that she knew she needed to make changes. She said " I know I don't have any of my own kids, but I don't want Ella to grow up and say, my Godmother died when I was ten. I want to have a lap for her to sit on (She is a small, but overweight woman) and when she starts to play around I want to be able to chase after her and hear her laugh." This brought tears to my eyes! She cares so much for Ella and every time she says something like this it just reaffirms that Matt and I made the right choice in choosing her to be that part of our daughters life.  This past weekend she was asked to give a sermon at two churches that currently do not have pastors. I wound up missing her sermon and I just felt terrible. She invited me to the Bible study group at our church for this morning saying that she was going to be reading her sermon again because everyone wanted to hear it. I made sure to be there this time. There was no way I was going to miss that sermon again. It was so beautiful, touching and well written. She had me crying! I just think that she is one of the most beautiful people that I have ever met and my life would not be the same without her.

Love you my friend!

Post written March 25, 2009 moved from previous blog

A New Path

I have a had a busy last two weeks! It is about time I wrote about it! I keep thinking "I need to write about what is going on" and then I just get busy. So time to sit down and do it!

I am now a Mary Kay Independant Beauty Consultant! YAY! This has been something that I have been considering for months! Too long!!  This past week and last week I have been working really hard to get myself ready and organized for my debut party this Friday. I am really excited about this oportuntiy and I really hope to make the best of it!

For a long time now I have been looking for something that I can be happy about doing that was an option. I have wanted to go back to school, but at the moment that is not an option because of other things in my life. I really want to feel good about what I am doing. Before people would ask me where I work and I would almost feel ashamed to tell them where I work because I am unhappy with it myself. June will come and unless I find something else I will go back to Staples for now, all the while working at my Mary Kay business so that I can hopefully in the future just to do that and spend time with Ella and any other kids that we may have in the future. This is something that I feel good to say that I do.

Post written March 25, 2009 moved from previous blog

Miss Independant

Ella had me in tears the other day as she was playing. Quite often throughout the day we will play together and then there is time where she plays on her own. I have always thought that it was good for her to learn how to play on her own as well as with other people. She has become quite good at entertaining herself, which has been great for me. Recently though she has gone on a nursing strike. There hasn't seemed to be a thing I could do to change her mind. Nursing her has been this great struggle from the time she was born. So after a long struggle with her she is no longer nursing. The next thing I know she no longer wants to cuddle. She just wants to play on her own. I would come over to her and she would even push my face away. This is when the tears rolled in. I was not ready for this. What happened to my cuddly little girl? In the blink of an eye it was as if she grew up and said "I don't need you anymore Mom." Ridiculous, I know. She still needs me to get her dressed, help feed her, change her and carry her; but somewhere along the way she just didn't want me for those other things. I just wasn't ready for this change, for her to grow up and start becoming independent. Now I understand why I have baby fever and cannot wait to have another one. I also understand why some people have more than one or two kids. A mother just has enough love for them all.

Post written March 9 2009 moved from previous blog 

Growing Like a Weed!

I just packed up yet another box of clothes that no longer fit Ella. Since she is our first I am keeping them all for the next baby. I have one box of clothes that either a boy or girl can wear and then a couple of big boxes of girl clothes. She is already wearing 12mos for size so there are even some things that she has never worn that she may not get the chance to wear unless it is just around the house. Today I put her in a cute little sundress just because once summer comes it wont fit. I figure she should at least get one wear out of it! Oh! And now she has another tooth!

post written Feb. 26, 2009 moved from previous blog 

The Hunt For Daycare Part II

The hunt for daycare is still in progress. Before having Ella I had been wanting to go to school and get my ECE (early childhood education) the lack of daycare in this town is really just more motivation do so. Matt and I were discussing it and I told him that it has nothing to do with Ella and being home with her. I'd love to just open my own daycare so that other parents can have somewhere for their children to go.  Though this is not something that will work right now, but I am hoping to do it after baby number two. So that means that I have to find someone.

As of now we have met with 4 providers and I have called a number of others who do not have openings. Of the list of 27 providers on the list that the town gave to me I have called at least half of that list. Well the plan is to call the other half of this list and the first lady that we met with and set up a second meeting, during the day while she has some kids there with her.  The one provider that I thought sounded great, there would be no way that I would leave Ella there after meeting with her. Ella did not like this woman. I have never seen her act like that with anyone before. She didn't even like her kids and Ella loves other kids. Hopefully we will be able to figure something out soon, and maybe the first lady that we met with will be better on a second meeting.

Post written Feb 24, 2009 moved from previous blog

A Busy Week For Baby!

Well last week Ella decided to hit multiple different milestones!!

-She can now say "Dad"

-She is not quite crawling but can certainly make her way around. Not too fast but fast enough that my eyes need to be on her and we are trying to make sure that our home is baby proofed!

-She has been doing this cute "dancing" thing whenever I play music. She can't stand up on her own two feet yet so she does it while she is on her tummy. She will do a mini push-up and rock from side to side. I don't think I have ever seen anything cuter!

-When you say "Yay!" She will throw her arms up in the air all excited.

-She can wave "hello" and "bye" This was really cute! I was feeding her some breakfast and sometimes she will look off and lose track of what was going on (too much to look at out the window in the kitchen!) so I said "Hi" and waved at her and she started to do it back! Later on that day I got the weekly email from saying that my 8 month old might soon learn to wave. I had to laugh!

She is also starting understand the word no. I had her playing on the floor of our upstairs office. She squirmed her way over to the bookshelf and reached for the books. I had to tell her "No" a couple of times but I think she is starting to get the idea that she is not supposed to play with those. It is so cute how much she is wanting to explore everything around her. I just love to watch her learn new things! She is also getting a second tooth. When that tooth officially pops its way through she will have her two bottom front teeth. Her teeth have been slow moving so I'm actually hoping that they pick up and that she cuts a few more.

Needless to say the video camera had a lot of use this week!

Post written Feb 24,2009 moved from previous blog

The Hunt For Daycare

For the last two weeks I have been on the hunt for a daycare for Ella when I go back to work. I already have two appointments to meet people. Today I went to the town office and picked up a list of daycare providers. There's 25 providers on this list! I think I'm going to have my work cut out for me tonight.

Last week I was looking on Kijiji for a daycare provider. I found a couple and sent out some emails. It's hard to know the best time of day to call a daycare?! Though I think that after supper is not bad. Well I emailed this one woman and waited two days. On Saturday I decided to give her a call. When I spoke to her she said "Oh, I'm actually not going to be doing that anymore. I didn't get any responses and I needed to know right away." Her add was only three days old! I know that it was the first add that she has posted because I have been looking for a couple of months. I thought " Well, if she changes her mind that quick I really wouldn't want my daughter to be going there!"

I'll post again to tell how it goes :)

Edit:  Well we now have three appointments set up. They will all be finished by the end of next Monday and we will see how they go.

Post written Feb 9 2009 moved from previous blog

Sick Baby

Well Ella is sick with her first cold. She's warm but not into a fever and her nose is running like crazy. She was up quite a few times last night so I didn't get a ton of sleep. Hopefully I will be able to nap while she naps today. It is so nice that we now get a year off for our babies. I couldn't imagine if I had to get up and go to work all day after a night like that. Though I'm not sure I would send her to Daycare with a cold this bad. I'll have to make sure that I use the vapor bath mix that I have for occasions such as this. Hopefully that will help her to clean out that nose. Oh does she hate when I wipe her nose!  I'm sure that many babies don't enjoy having their nose wiped though.

Post written Feb 4 20098 moved from previous blog


For Christmas I was given a book, <u>The Shack</u>, from a very good friend of mine. She is Ella's godmother and also mine in a sense. ( We call them sponsors.) Anyway, one of the chapters in this book discusses judgment. Now whether or not you are religious, I believe what was said in this chapter is applicable. I wont go into too much detail about what happens in the story because I really don't want to spoil it for anyone who has not read it.

The protagonist is told that he has to choose between his children, he is to choose only two to go to heaven and the other three will be sentenced to He!!. He falls to his knees saying that he cannot make this kind of a choice and to please take him in place of his children. The whole point of this lesson is that even God has a difficult time deciding whom to judge because he loves all of his children. As I said religious or not there is something to be learned here. Who are we to judge anyone? So often I will hear judgmental things and I think well what would you do if you were in their shoes, so to speak?

New Year's Day we went to the in laws for dinner and more than once I heard critical things about those around. I thought, this is your family! Why are you doing this? What really got under my skin was that twice what I had heard was about Ella! How can you be judging a baby?! Here is an example of what I am talking about.

:: Matt is sitting in the living room with Ella on his lap. His cousin who is 35(?) comes in and sits down by Matt and starts talking to him. ::

Cousin: "How old is Ella now?"

Matt: "She is six months old" (as I said this was a month ago)

C: "Oh! Can she sit up yet?"

M: " Not quite, but she is getting there."

C: "Oh," Look of disgust

Afterward when he told me this I was so upset. Who would be so rude about a baby? So what she couldn't sit up yet. I'm sure if that cousin knew that she still cannot sit up on her own for long periods of time she would have even more to say. It bothered me for quite a while but then I gave my head a shake. Every baby is different. I know that she will come around to it soon. I'm not too worried. Mostly she is not sitting up yet because she is so interested in everything that is around her. She sees her toy in front of her and she wants to go there and get it. She just doesn't quite have the balance to reach for it and come back yet. Mainly I just have to remember how much this woman hurt my feelings and be absolute sure that I never do that sort of thing to anyone else. Not that I am anything like the majority of his family, which is exactly why he married me! ;)

Post written Feb, 3 2009 moved from previous blog

More of Our Week

As I mentioned it was a busy week. On Wednesday my Mom called and asked if we wanted to meet her at the mall. She had the day off and wanted to get in some Ella-time as she calls it. It was one expensive trip and we never even made it to the mall! Icy Saskatoon roads caused us to get into an accident on the way there. I have been in an accident before but it is a million times scarier when you have your baby in the back! We wound up hitting the back end of a lady's SUV in a chain reaction effect. Immediately I shut the engine off and ran around to the other side of the vehicle to where Ella was sound asleep. She slept through the whole thing! I felt so amazed and grateful that she was okay. Ironically enough that was the day that she also said Mom. It is as if she knew I needed a cheer up!

Another good thing about last Wednesday. I became a moderator for Chapter Chit Chat. As a part of that I am going to start adding book reviews to my blog. I'll get cracking on that soon. I have read a lot of books since Christmas!

While feeding Ella today I happened to notice that she is FINALLY getting a tooth coming through! YAY!! She has been teething for the last four months and a tooth has yet to emerge! She is sure grouchy about it this morning!

Hopefully this week will be a little more relaxed and a bit happier!

Well time to go whip out that slow cooker and make some supper!

Post written Feb. 2 2009 moved from previous blog

Seven Months and Counting!

The last two months have been busy busy!! Ella's first Christmas went very well. Boy is she spoiled! Thought that is what happens when  you have three sets of grandparents and you are the only grandchild! Other than Christmas she has had a lot of recent other firsts. She finally can roll from her back to her tummy. This was a big thing for her because she hates to spend time on her tummy, though now that she gets there on her own she is happy about it. Until she decides she wants a toy out of her reach. She has yet to master crawling forward and this frustrates her! She has figured out how to move backward but doesn't quite understand why she is moving further from her toys. Another Ella first, on Wednesday she said MOM. That really made my day!

Post written Jan 30 2009 moved from previous blog

Around This Time Last Year

It was around this time last year that I found out I was going to be a mom! Oh was I scared! My whole life flashed before my eyes. I had been planning on going back to school, how would that happen now? What would Matt think about me having a baby? We hadn't even been together a year yet and had only been living together for two months. Nerves set in. In total with the doctor test I had taken 4 pregnancy tests! I didn't think that he would be the kind of guy that would just leave if his girlfriend was pregnant. We had talked about getting married and having children. How many each of us wanted and when we planned on having them. The day I took that test our whole world turned upside down. I wouldn't have it any other way. I now care for this beautiful little girl who looks up at me and smiles everyday. I get to teach her and help her grow. That day I learned that things don't always happen the way that you plan them, but that doesn't mean that they are going to be any less special, or important. Everyday she teaches us something about ourselves. Something that we never knew was there before. Ella really is the best thing that could ever have happened to us; we wouldn't trade her for the world.

Post written November 21, 2008 moved from previous blog

Forgiveness- Just a Thought

Forgiveness is a strange thing. What makes someone want to be forgiving? Is it a feeling of love or care for the other person that they can forgive and move on? Different people are going to have different levels of forgiveness. There are some that will continue to forgive those around them for the things that they have done to hurt over and over again. Then there is another group of people that are going to take a long time to come around and others that may never. God teaches us all in the Bible that we are to forgive others as he has forgiven us. But what does it take to reach that? How do we put things behind us and just move on treating that person the same? Do we ever really treat that person the same? How much trust and faith can we put into them the way that God has trust and faith in us?

Post written November 17, 2008 moved from previous blog