Friday, April 29, 2011

Almost a Year!

Almost a year has gone by since I have written an update... I think it is about time to do that!

June 2009 to present: At the start of the June I had been faced with the dilemma of going back to work at my current job or finding something new. I wound up working at a Subway. I had been hired on to work Monday to Friday 8 to 4. I only worked there for three months before the owner decided to let me go. Her reason was that I was not able to be flexible enough for her because I had a baby. I had always been at work on time and had missed one day because Ella was throwing up. To each their own, it was better that I was not working there anymore. The entire time I had been working there I wanted to be at home with Ella and pursuing Mary Kay. When she let me go I did  pursue Mary Kay, for only about three months. I had been working like a dog, holding class after class and having no one purchase one thing! Instead of making money I was starting to lose money and you can't have a family live on that.  That had taken us to Christmas where I decided to work over the holiday season.

Just after Christmas the whole family went to Palm Springs. We also spent a couple of days in San Diego.  After our trip I began working at Tim Horton's baking. I am really liking it there. I now work Tuesday to Saturday which has its negatives and pluses but it will be a good job for the time being.

In January we decided to start TTC baby #2. On February 14th we found out that we were expecting! Absolutely were we excited. Who had thought that it would only take one month to get pregnant. By the 19th though we were at the hospital and I had miscarried the baby.  The last couple of weeks have been difficult. I have had many ups and downs. Trying to be positive is not always an easy thing to do! A friend of mine had found out that she is expecting only days before we would have been due to have our child. We were both really excited that we would be having our children together. I haven't really been able to talk to her even over facebook let alone see her yet. I even found myself taking a break from CPO for most of last week. It was just too difficult to be on the message boards and see that new people were getting that BPF without even meaning to, or that others were also losing their beloved babies. I would be fine for most of the day, then come online and find myself in misery.  A friend told me something that I had really needed to hear, something that another friend who has miscarried had said to her, " I just have to remember that I alone cannot make a person, that it is God that makes a person." I had been obsessing over charting and making sure that we were baby dancing at that "right" time of the month, which had just made all of the passion disappear.  I am starting to come to terms with what happened, which probably just takes longer each time that it does, (this was the second time) We are back to trying, or rather not preventing it. When we are meant to have another child we will, though I do hope it is sooner rather than later. I just had to say to myself " You can't be mad at other people for this. There is no one to blame because it is no ones fault." The first thing I had wanted to do was to blame my Dr. After all, he was the one who had done the pap test the day that my bleeding had started. It was easy to point a finger and say that that would have been the cause. Which really is not fair of me to say because more than likely the two had nothing to do with each other. That being said, he has done a pap and if it takes us over a year to become pregnant again I will kindly tell him that I would rather wait to do the pap test until further in the pregnancy or to leave it to afterward.

I will post again soon! For 2010 we have selected 12 books for the Chapter Chit Chat book club, I am going to be writing reviews about each as well.  January and February will be posted very soon :)

Post written March 5, 2010 moved from previous blog

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